When people hear the word “freedom,” they often think of release, possibility, and a fresh start. But for me, freedom after prison was more complicated. On the outside I was “free,” but on the inside, I carried the weight of survival mode- anxiety, worry of judgement, and the pressure to rebuild from nothing.

Life after prison isn’t as simple as just walking through the gates to freedom. Suddenly the world moves faster, expectations are higher, watching eyes are constantly on you, and the stigma of your past follows you everywhere. I thought if I just worked harder I could out run it or even break through.

But the truth was, my body and mind were still wired for survival. My nervous system didn’t know the difference between real threats and the challenges of everyday life. I thought it was because I’d become institutionalized, when in essence, it was my brain and body being rooted in past experiences.

That’s when meditation found me - or maybe I found it. And it changed everything.

For over a decade after my release, I searched for answers to who I was supposed to be in a world that was moving at such a terrific speed. I changed locations, jobs, relationships, religious practices, diets, workout routines, cities, social scenes, friends and associates. And yet, I still felt trapped behind the same prison walls I’d been released from.

Rewiring My Brain Through Meditation

At first, sitting still felt impossible. My thoughts raced. And my body threw everything but the kitchen sink at me. It wanted to move! Years of tension through negative environments had trained me to always be on guard. I was sure I was getting it, and sitting in one place was not going so well. But one of the first things I learned is there is no such thing as a bad meditation, it’s only you getting beyond yourself.

So I kept at it, even if only for five minutes a day. What I learned is that meditation isn’t just “relaxing.” It’s retraining the brain and nervous system. Science confirms that consistent meditation shifts brainwave activity, lowers stress hormones like cortisol, and literally rewires neural pathways that keep us stuck in old cycles and behaviors.

Through daily practice, I began to notice changes:

Instead of reacting, I started responding.
Instead of being consumed by fear and anger, I found space to breathe.
Instead of letting my past define me, I started creating a new vision of the future.
Slowly, my nervous system moved out of fight-or-flight and into coherence- where my mind, body, and emotions aligned. That shift gave me access to peace I never thought possible.
Finding Happiness in Hard Places
Meditation did not erase the real struggles of reentry into the social structure. Bills still had to be paid. Opportunities were still scarce. And the past didn’t magically disappear. But what did change was my relationship to all of it. I stopped waiting for external freedom to give me peace. I began cultivating it within. I found happiness in small things- that first breathe first thing when I awake, a sunrise, a positive conversation, the feel of my heartbeat.
That’s when I realized: true freedom isn’t just about where you are. It’s about who you’re becoming on the inside.
Why I Share This
I know I’m not the only one who has carried the weight of the past. Whether it’s prison, a failed marriage or relationship, loss of a loved one, trauma, or simply the grind of everyday life, so many of us live with nervous systems locked in survival. Stress, anxiety, and old stories keep us stuck. Meditation is a doorway out. It doesn’t erase your circumstances, but it helps unwire and rewire neural pathways to make changing your life easier.
It transforms how you experience your circumstances. It teaches your brain and body that you are safe, that you have choices, and that you can create new patterns-
No Matter What Your Past Looks Like-

PhD Student of Natural Medicine/ Neuroscience

If my story resonates with you, I want you to know this: you don’t have to stay stuck in old cycles. You can rewire your brain. You can bring your nervous system back into balance. And you can discover freedom from the inside out.

That’s why I now guide others through Coaching and Meditation- to help people step out of survival mode and into the lives they were created to live. If you’re ready to begin your own journey, I invite you to join me by simply emailing me the word, “Ready” to -(jayd@madusiv.com)

Freedom doesn’t start outside of you. It begins within. And it can begin today.

From prison walls to inner freedom